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| YourStinkenFace |
 Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:27 pm |
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Joined: 19 Mar 2006
Posts: 37
Location:
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I wrote this when is was bored. There is more to it.
death to all prisoners of war!!!!!!!
Once upon a time there was a warrior named Torf. He had a huge sword that was so huge that no one could pick it up except for him. One day he went to town to get some oil at the store. When he got there he was greeted by a man who was selling coupons for muffins. "I hate muffins!" said Torf. The salesman looked Torf in the eye and revealed nine pointy throwing daggers. "Well then," he said, "You are in trouble!". He threw one of the daggers and Torf had just enough time to dodge it and draw his sword and cut off his head and pick up the head and sell it for 2 shillings before the dagger hit him. Torf went on his way and soon came to the town. There were many people walking in the street carrying things. Torf went to the store and asked the manager if there was any oil in the store. The manager said there was oil and Torf bought it. Torf then realized that he had no use whatsoever for oil. This thought alarmed Torf. Torf was very scared at the fact that he had wasted 2 hard earned shillings. Torf decided that he would find a use for this oil. He would go to the ends of the earth if he had to. So off he went in the general direction of north. "There is always something important in the Northernlands" Torf thought to himself. Torf walked and walked. He found a horse. It already had a saddle and bridle and stuff and so he got onto it. The horse started trotting. Torf thought that it was pretty cool to find a horse with all the stuff in the middle of nowhere. so then he found a road. He followed the road and it came to a bridge. There was a troll sitting on the bridge and the troll said,"This is my bridge!"
"I see no sign" replied Torf.
"Right there!"
"Oh..I see."
"So go away"
"I have a sword"
"I have a bridge!"
"I hate you!"
"I’m glad to hear it!"
"I want you to die"
"I’m glad to hear i..."
Before the troll could say "t". Torf whipped his head of with a satisfying, "Shlump". Doesn’t get better then that. Torf went on his way along the bridge. He traveled along the road until he came to a sign that said,"This way". Torf puzzled over the sign for a long time before he said," don’t like that sign!"
He drew his sword and cut the sign down. This time there wasn’t any satisfying "shlump". Torf puzzled over this for along time before he realized that the sign didn’t have any gory stuff in it. He went on down the road in the general direction of north. He taught himself the skill of nose whistling and singing at the same time and made himself a little ditty.
Shlump Shlump Shlump!
Shlump Shlump Shlump!
Shlump Shlump Shlump!
Eventually he came to a hill. he went up and he saw down a valley that there was a little cottage. He rode down on his horse and came to the door which he knocked on. The door was opened by a man. The man was wielding a mithril bronzesword and had full iron armor.
"What do you want!"
"I want to know what oil can be...wait! your one of those Runescape characters!"
"Yes. How can you tell?"
"Only a Runescape character would where full mithril armor 24/7"
All of a sudden the man disappeared. "Good! he logged out." said Torf. He walked into the house. There was a bed. He slept in the bed the whole night. (to be continued)
Rolly Poo episode 2
And the little boy dies of hay fever...
Torf woke up from his rest on the little straw pile in the little cottage. He strode about the room looking at the various things that were glued to the straw walls. He saw a large battle axe. It was covered in all sorts of cool symbols that made it look legendary. He reached for the handle and pulled. It didn’t budge. Weapons that are glued to straw walls are surprisingly difficult to remove. He sat down and tried to think about how he might get the cool battle-axe. He realized that he was too sleepy to do anything. His mind drifted. Eventually his drifting mind came to a little fairy castle. Inside was a cup of coffee. It was a very good-looking cup of coffee. Torf grabbed his drifting mind and came back to reality. He realized that he needed his coffee. He searched the straw cottage, but wasn’t able to find any coffee whatsoever. Then he glanced at his oilcan. He looked very hard at the oilcan. He looked very, very hard at the oilcan. He wondered how bad he really needed coffee. He thought even harder. He thought about his quest, the quest to find a use for this oil that he bought. He thought about how strange it was that everything the Runescape character said ended up in yellow words above his ridiculously huge helmet. He thought about his own mining skills. He wondered how many hours he would have to spend mining before he was able to make his dream golden full-face helmet. All of a sudden, something snapped. It might have been Torf’s mind, or his back, or the back of the cat he was sitting on. Most likely it was his mind. It had already snapped several times, since Torf was a weak-minded soul. Torf grabbed the oilcan and grabbed a pot he found lying on the floor. He poured a bit of the oil into the pot. He stopped. He looked hard at the pot of coffee. He looked so hard you might think that the strain on his eyes might cause them to melt into tiny puddles. He sighed, closed his eyes and shoved the pot into the fire. I’m not quite sure how there was a fireplace in the cottage made of straw, but there just was. He opened his eyes (That is important). The fire was hot and soon his "coffee" started to steam. This wasn’t hot enough for Torf. He liked it hot enough to burn some of his taste buds off. This helped him eat some of the interesting things that he found himself stuffing his face with on his travels. The oil continued to grow hotter and hotter. He was about to smell his pot and see if it was like coffee at all when it caught fire and made a "Whoosh!" noise. He dropped the pot and it rolled around on the floor spreading carnage everywhere it went. Torf quickly grabbed his possessions and was about to run out the front door when his eye caught the Battle-axe. Summoning his lust for pointy things, he charged through the now flame-engulfed room. He reached for the axe and pulled on it with both arms yelling, "SHLUMP!” A flaming thing fell from the roof and hit the glue holding the axe. The glue started sizzling and melted to the floor. This caused the axe to be freed. And so Torf went flying backwards and outside into the bright summer morning. Torf watched in awe as the cottage burned itself to the ground with, as Torf thought, sounded similar to a "Shlump".
He continued on his journey down the little path that headed in the general direction of north. It was middle morning and the sun was shining very brightly. Several scraggly merchants were eyeing the remains of the cottage curiously. When they saw Torf approaching they were startled out of their wits and reached for their various weapons. Torf just stood there. When the merchants saw that he wasn’t too threatening, except for the fact that he carried a huge rune battle-axe and had an even huger two-handed sword at his side. The leader of the group finally spoke up and asked,” What happened here?” Torf was taken aback. He could tell them that he had tried to make coffee…with pure, black oil, or he could improvised. And if all else failed he could Shlump.
“A bug.”
“A bug what?”
He improvised.
“Um, a bug blew up.”
“I have never heard of a bug that could blow up.”
“Some bugs have lots of eyes.”
“Yes…well. What really happened?”
“I told you! The little bug exploded.”
“There is no bug that can cause fire!”
“Hey! Haven’t you heard of fire ants?”
“That’s enough! Was anyone hurt?”
“I’m alright.”
“No no no! Someone else lived there.”
“Oh yaaaah! It was that Runescape character. He logged out.”
“Crap! I was here to see if I could get that rune axe he owed me.”
Torf, not knowing what a rune was, didn’t notice the suspicious glances the merchant was giving him.
“He had all kinds of things glued to the wall, “Torf replied “Like this axe…” It was then, that Torf realized what this meant. It was then, that the merchants realized they were only going to get the axe the hard way. They drew their weapons. Several carried swords and two had quivers full of arrows. Torf took his sword from the sheath. Wielding both axe and great sword, he wasn’t a foe you would want to fight without having a mithril scimitar. Torf wasn’t a man for speeches before a battle but he thought back to his days of warrior school when his trainer had given him some lessons in the art of battle speeches. He had dies several years ago in the great battle of poetry. The trainer was in the middle of a quote from Homer’s Iliad when an arrow pierced his heart. Ironically it was from one of his own men who didn’t have a mind for these matters.
Torf cried out.” This day…I fight!” It didn’t have the effect that Torf had wanted it to, but he decided that he would make up for it with a good shlump. He charged upon the awaiting merchants who had stopped to puzzle over the form and origin of Torf’s speech. Torf lopped the head off the first merchant with his sword and at the same time struck him in the stomach with his axe. Shlump! Shlump! Shlump! The battle was soon over. But all of a sudden, one of the dead raised his sword and stood up. Torf was puzzled by this, and recounted how many kills he had shlumped. What could he be missing? The headless merchant charged toward Torf with the ferocity of a…dead but alive tiger? Torf was about to strike, but before he could do so the merchant did something weird with his hands and Torf soon found that he was in a vortex. He had heard of these. They would send you anywhere at time in the universe. He decided that this would really delay him in his quest. To be continued… |
| Last edited by YourStinkenFace on Sun Jan 21, 2007 10:16 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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| bobtheorc |
| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:14 pm |
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Joined: 19 Mar 2006
Posts: 1218
Location: Wow, its hot in Iowa
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| Merrick_Hale |
| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:41 pm |
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Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 445
Location: Austin, Texas
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 Interesting... |
Aaron Rhinehart
Rider of Rohan (retired)
DAgent #417 (retired)
This Incognito is a smooth operator - Lem0nhead |
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| Hazael |
| Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 11:02 pm |
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Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 444
Location: Up North
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usually i never get bored enough to read stuff like this on cc, but that was really good. LOL imagination! i kinda wouldnt mind reading more...
it was the best stupid story i have ever read. period
u will get a gold piece from hazael.... very rare because i give about 1 every 2 months |
Some of the best scenarios on EE...
Up All Night Productions |
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| NBarden |
| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 12:07 am |
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Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 5468
Location: I don't know...
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| corvus |
| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 5:31 am |
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Joined: 13 Oct 2006
Posts: 1696
Location: Roaming, but dangerous!!!
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I dunno what made me laugh more, the story or the comments. Especially MH’s and NBarden’s. GP from me.
PS. the man was wearing iron not mithril, or didn’t i get it right? |
Click here if you want to trade some foils away 
Far, Far beyond the island we dwelt in shapes of twilight
Through draught and weary days
Through grief and endless pain |
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| fingolfin |
| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 11:51 am |
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Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Posts: 321
Location: it's getting hotter in Iowa every day
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| Mithril Bronzesword? IS there such a weapon? I just have a normal bronzesword. |
Soldier: why'd you do that captain?
John Wayne: Because I hate your guts!!
Exerpt from "Iwo Jima." |
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| NBarden |
| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:29 pm |
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Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 5468
Location: I don't know...
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| LeeRoy Jenkins |
| Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 2:59 pm |
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Joined: 05 Nov 2006
Posts: 19
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Someone was quite bored or has a serious problem....
But it was a funny thing to read and made my day.
Gp for you |
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| YourStinkenFace |
| Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 8:40 pm |
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Joined: 19 Mar 2006
Posts: 37
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| I’ll add on to it tonight. Probably. It’s on my other computer so I’ll have to find a zip disk, but we have those everywhere. When I play runescape I wield a bronze hatchet and a black shirt and pants. Hes got an awsome emo hairdoo. I spend my time making fun of people and stuff. It’s quite the life. |
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